I hate it when I get this low I can't even go outside I just stay at home Drinkin all alone But It don't help me cope The same thing goes for the smoke I toke All this coughing bout to put me in a coffin And I've been thinking bout it often Just offin myself I've been off in a another world All by myself Being selfish as hell tryna escape this cell I don't want opinions or advice I don't need help All of my addictions and vices I keep on my shelf And I'll break the habit Just as soon as I get well I don't need all that talking And those self riteous spells I don't need you to spell it out I could already tell Yea I know I got problems But I don't need to pop pills So stop suggesting that I go And see a doctor for real Cuz we've been through this before And you know just how it feels Everybody you love tellin you how to heal While not supporting anything you do Is so unreal How they they find a way to conversate on what's your deal Without a clue how hard it is to smile and chill I've been faking and laughing Breaking from sadness They know this They continue to act like They don't even notice I'm broken Its becoming so hopeless the life that I've chosen was stolen I've been tryna stay focused while not losing all my devotion But I'll be alright I've been thinking bout it lately Everyday and night Hoping and praying I make it And I don't lose my sight I don't lose my strength And I don't lose my mind I've been going insane Without you here by my side Without you here in my ride I've been finding places to hide Asking myself why How am i still alive I must have contemplated suicide a thousand times damn I Hate it when I get this cold So damn frigid I can't feel my soul Hitting 30 years old with still nothing to show I used have some dreams I still have some goals Money, cars and clothes I don't even want those I would trade it all in a second For my bros and for my family sake For just one more go One last chance To right all of the wrongs I chose Meeting Jesus broke me down to pieces now I'm whole Giving me reason to believe in Everything I don't Still havin troubles forgiving myself For things I've stole And the hate that i hold I just wanna break this mold Crack this code Find out what I need to know Truth betold I lost my faith and all my hope Had to find the strength to put down that rope and finally cope Now I see who I owe It's the one that rose But when I think about the things I've done That's when I get to thinking I should go get that gun Then I wanna run away and go a find his son I can't stand it when I get this numb I've been lookin for a purpose And if I'm worth it Do I really deserve it I know I'm not perfect But I'm sick of always hurting Looking for that light In the dark I might Fall for the the same temptation That I spite But I'll be alright I've been thinking bout it lately Everyday and night Hoping and praying I make it And I don't lose my sight I don't lose my strength And I don't lose my mind I've been going insane Without you here by my side Without you here in my ride I've been findin places to hide Asking myself why I've probably asked God's forgiveness about a million times