This tale begins About half nine in the morning Strolling down The hill to the station Stop in at the shop On the Hythe for some supplies Super duper dragon soop A few G and T's slimline All aboard the piss-up express Straight through no connection London lights won't even Know what's hit them Arrive in time To see the sunrise Waltz down to the hotbox Bottomless brunch With a bunch of top dogs I'm not concerned For my own safety I don't think I need to worry I'm keen for the breakfast poutine And about fifteen elderflower Proseccos will do me very nicely It's just about hit midday Swoop and sway out the gaff Join the prattle parade Shuffle down the old crown and shuttle Run shuttle run to the bar for a tipple I'm past the point Of understanding what I'm doing Obnoxiously singing Proper loud quite annoying I'm not concerned For the people around me I don't think I need to be sorry Realise there's some other place You're supposed to be A big leaving do for AB and UT Run back round the corner To Liverpool street And scout the boards For the train possibilities If only the numbers And the letters were in focus Deciphering isn't at its easiest Conversation's a little bit hopeless Where's my bag where's your bag Where's the tickets? I'm quite concerned I can't really see I'm starting to feel A little bit worried Well the Gabzoid's fallen Asleep and so I shook her It probably looks abusive To concerned onlookers I magically purchase Some new tickets They're only thirty Quid singles back to Essex I'm sat there thinking To myself what a bargain Sipping smoothly On a Stella Artois can Little snooze on the cruise Back to Camulodunum Manage somehow to disembark The train at North Station My next concern Is where is the Taxi? There's one right here But he says he's not free I bribe the taxi man With a tenner He drops us off At the front door of the Foresters I chat to my Dad's old football Mates for 3 hours And then I realise That bedtime is needed Well I can't get in my house I've lost my ****ing keys I've lost my girlfriend too last I remember she was with me Should I smash the window In to open the door? Or is that a ridiculous decision I'll regret in the morning I call round the gang to try And find some advice Manage to get myself A safe bed for the night I wake up the next day feeling Very much flustered I really ****ing hope I haven't killed Gabriella I'm quite concerned For the Gabzoid's safety Panic stations Whereabouts is she? It turns out it Was all breezy of all gravy She was taken in by AB UT and Tim C She'd also found herself A safe place to sleep And was alive And well much to my relief Still neither of us Had our bags or keys Getting in the house Was the main priority 146 to the rescue One backpack's been found The other had been left Back down the public house Home time safe And what a right old faff Pull out the sofa Bed TV movies and kebabs ****ing hell To all concerned I want to say sorry Poorest of forms Please accept my apology I don't actually Like this story very much Thinking about it still Makes me feel anxious But perhaps there's some educational Use for this adventure A cautionary tale Not to be repeated in the future