If I had a dick it would be ten foot long Everybody shook like Oh, who's dong is that? Surely not the girl in the back With the little yellow beret No that ain't what she packs If I had a dick it would stand to attention Erection, win the general election Write the entire Shakespeare collection Direct Citizen Kane and yeah did I mention? If I had a dick it would be thick like a brick I'd shove it down your throat til it's tickling your sick Tall and pink your dick ugly I wouldn't wear pants I'd just swing it round in public Enormous, Im a let the dick sing the chorus You feel like home Where I belong You're where I been searching for You feel like home So I'm standing strong And I love you Yeah I love you baby If I had a dick I would love it I would shove it in your face It would touch outer space If I had a weiner I would have to sit in the back of a limousine With Tina If I had a dick it would do magic tricks I would get a hat for it It would look fabulous High end extravagance Gow it's own gravitas If I had a dick I'd keep it in a cabinet Dick; the best dick The best dick ever yeah the very best dick If I had a dick you'd know about it I would swing it round my head I would kiss you with it's lips You feel like home Where I belong You're where I been searching for You feel like home So I'm standing strong And I love you Yeah I love you baby